SUPPORTING OUR MENTAL HEALTH IN CHALLENGING TIMES
There is a lot going on in the world today that can be scary and worrying, with the natural world in decline and the slow action to change course, not to mention the recent US election. If all this has left you feeling overwhelmed or anxious, you are not alone. For some it may be a feeling of deep grief, for others anger or hopelessness. Our response depends upon our life circumstances and our inner landscape. But however we respond, there are some techniques, attitudes and practices which are universally supportive – like a well-stocked first-aid kit. We want to share some tried and tested suggestions with you here in a spirit of community and care.
Each of these suggestions is outlined very briefly. You can find further information about most of them by searching online.
NOTE: If you are really suffering, please seek professional support
These suggestions are not intended to replace the deep support we experience when talking with somebody we trust, whether that is a friend, a relative or a counsellor/therapist. Neither can these general suggestions respond to the specifics of individual difficulties. Please seek out professional support if you are not coping.
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1) Experiencing emotional turmoil right now is normal
Before we look at any interventions to soothe the nervous system, let’s start by looking at the context. The current fear that has triggered our survival responses (the fight/flight/freeze/flop responses) is justified and wise. It’s ok to feel angry/sad/overwhelmed right now. It’s not pleasant, but it’s not wrong. Naming how we feel (‘anger is here’ ‘grief is passing through me’) and giving ourselves permission to feel it rather than trying to hold it at bay can itself begin to change our body’s response. But you don’t have to feel it all at once – you can just peek at it, as if through a curtain, if that feels enough for the moment. This process of seeing it, feeling it and naming it starts a process of letting it move through you rather than having it lodge in your body.
2) It's so big. Do we need to feel all of it?
Allowing ourselves to honestly feel the deep feelings and body sensations of our raw experience is the key to those feelings gradually being replaced by more supportive thoughts and feelings. Nevertheless, it is wise to protect ourselves from overwhelm. We don’t each have to carry the burdens of the whole world. What we pay attention to changes in our experience (think of the difference in experience between watching a horror movie and watching a rom-com). Therefore, take care what you ‘allow in’ and what you give your attention to as it sets your internal landscape. Perhaps just reading the headlines rather than all of the news. Perhaps not watching the documentary about pollution in the ocean on a day when you are already feeling vulnerable. Consciously choosing how much we open or close to information and situations is not the same as deliberately ignoring it or even consciously or unconsciously being numb to it. Think of it in terms of digestion – only take in as much as you can digest.
3) Get connected!
Fear can make us withdraw from others and fear of ‘the other’ has recently been peddled as a world-view. Connecting with others not only demonstrates a choice on our parts to live in opposition to this polarising view but it also supports our mental health. Actively practising compassion for others is also important work in breaking down the ‘othering’ which fear stokes. Counter-intuitively, it also makes us feel good.
4) Keep a perspective
Remember that in the middle of all of the difficulties, there are still moments of beauty, delight, satisfaction and even joy. Dogs are still chasing sticks. Children are still playing. Seasons still bring their unique delights. Hugs are still being given and food cooked for friends and family. These things are also true: take time to notice and enjoy them.
5) The survival response
When we feel threatened and our survival response has been activated, a cascade of changes take place in the body, many of which feel unpleasant to us (such as a pounding heart, butterflies, being unable to focus or think straight, feeling nauseous, trembling). If we do not know how to soothe our nervous system to return it to its settled state, then we can get locked into this state of readiness for a life-or-death confrontation. Unfortunately our nervous system is not finely calibrated! The basic setting is intended to deal with situations of ‘eat or get eaten’ – therefore every stress we face is responded to as if it were a life-or-death threat. Which in itself is pretty stressful.
6) How to soothe the nervous system
There are three main gateways to soothe the nervous system: using the breath; soothing the body and bringing kindness and compassion to our situation. Exercise is another way to re-set the system as the survival response gears us up for action (fight or flight) – so movement ‘uses up’ that physical preparation.
Breath - If you know of a breathing technique which you like, use it! If you don’t, here is a suggestion for a simple technique called 4/7/8 breathing (do not hold your breath if you have high blood pressure). To do this, relax your belly and exhale. Breathe down into your belly for a count of 4. Hold your breath for 7. Exhale, allowing your breath to flow for the full count of 8. Repeat this 4 times. Do not be tempted to do more repetitions or you will get dizzy! If you scale how anxious you are on a scale of 1-10 before and after doing this breathing, you will typically come down 2 points if you were on the high end of the scale at the start. If this technique doesn’t suit you, just slow your breathing down and make the exhale longer than the inhale. Use a breathing technique several times during the day and whenever you feel particularly anxious.
Body - We experience stress and anxiety in the body so working directly with the body can directly alleviate stress. The first suggestion is to consciously relax the body. Start at the top of your head and sweep your attention through the whole body, checking for any areas of gripping or tightness and inviting a softening into those areas. Especially check any areas you may know that you tense up – maybe your face (check between your eyebrows and your tongue and jaw), your shoulders and neck, your hands, your belly and buttocks, your thighs. This is another technique which can quickly bring you down a couple of notches on the anxiety/stress scale.
As mammals, we are soothed by physical contact so have a hug! And if there is nobody to give you a hug, you can give yourself a hug. Or gently tap your chest or stroke your cheek. Think how you might soothe a young child and offer that to yourself. It works!
Kindness and compassion - There are many ways in which we can respond to ourselves with kindness and compassion but the first is through self-talk. We can speak to ourselves with the same patience, kindness, understanding and care which we might offer to a dear friend or a young child. Phrases such as ‘You’re doing your best.’ ‘This will pass.’ ‘Other people feel this way.’ or ‘You’re feeling upset right now. It’s no wonder - I understand.’ can go a long way to calm our nervous system. Notice the tone of voice you use with yourself and see if you can warm it up or soften it. Ask yourself ‘What do I need right now?’ and respond honestly – perhaps you need a break, or a run, or to eat a good meal, or to have an early night or to go out and have some fun. It sounds obvious, but pay attention to your physical needs as they are the foundation of your mental state (am I hungry/thirsty/tired/stiff/needing to move).
7) Don’t let negative thoughts fill up your brain-space
Allowing negative thoughts to run unchecked is also going to trigger your nervous system and keep you in a state of anxiety. There are many ways of working with negative thoughts but a quick and effective response is simply to say ‘Not this, not now. I will return to this later and deal with it then.’ And then distract yourself. There is no need to return to it later! Naming negative thoughts is also effective. It takes away some of their power. ‘I am having negative thoughts about…’ offer yourself some sympathy for that ‘I’m so sorry these thoughts are filling your head. It’s so upsetting and exhausting.’ and then distract yourself and move on.
8) What can I choose?
Having a sense of control is a basic human need and so feeling that things are out of our control is distressing. When things are beyond our control, it is helpful to recognise that but at the same time, we can ask ourselves ‘What can I choose in this situation?’. That could involve how we behave, what we do, who we talk to, how we talk to them, how we spend our free time. Noticing that we still have choices and acting upon them can support our sense of control.
9) Counter the brain’s natural negativity bias
Finally, when our survival response is activated we tend to see things in black and white and our focus will be powerfully drawn to the negative. Countering this through gratitude or noticing ‘what went well today’ is an important balance to this natural negative bias. Remembering that all things pass and that life is always in flux also counters natural negative thinking which may suggest that we are permanently stuck. Remembering that you are not carrying the burden of this on your own but that it is shared by millions of people across the world also helps us not to feel isolated and overwhelmed. And finally when you feel no hope, take hopeful action. In doing so, we start to feel hope.
10) Find time and space for stillness
Meditation practices such as Tonglen or RAIN as practised by Tara Brach, or the ‘Soften, Soothe, Allow’ practice from the MSC course (mindful self compassion) can be deeply supportive and nourishing. You can easily find recordings of these online with registered teachers. Prayer or other contemplative practices are also important and deeply nourishing if they are your tradition.
Please do not use meditation practices if you are experiencing active symptoms of psychosis.
Go well
None of the above pretends that what is happening in the world is ok. It does not deal with the underlying cause of our distress. But it does help us to live in the world as we now find it and to be able to respond to it with more wisdom, compassion and courage to act. Over time, they may even bring about a deeper resilience and ease.
Diana Thornton
Take the Jump Ambassador
Registered Mindful Self-Compassion Teacher
Registered Human Givens Counsellor and Therapist
